RUMOR MILL ARCHIVE

by Profootballtalk editor Mike Florio

POSTED 10:12 p.m. EDT, UPDATED 10:20 p.m. EDT, September 15, 2003

VICK WON'T BE BACK FOR VIKES GAME

Despite initial reports predicting that Falcons quarterback Mike Vick would return from a broken leg for the team's October 5 home game against the surprisingly capable Minnesota Vikings, the Falcons have announced that Vick won't be back for another week, at least.

The new target date for Vick's return is October 13, when the Falcons play a Monday nighter at St. Louis.  But coach Dan Reeves said that a more realistic estimate of his return would be the following week, when Atlanta hosts the Saints.

"It doesn't sound good, but if it's been four weeks and they're saying six weeks then he's going to have to make a miraculous recovery in the next few weeks," Reeves said.

Vick has been in a removable walking cast since September 3.  He originally broke the leg on August 16.

EARLY TUESDAY ONE-LINERS

Jags WR/KR Jermaine Lewis is out for the year after tearing a ligament in his knee.

Panthers DE Kavika Pittman is out for the year after suffering torn ligaments while getting chop blocked by Bucs WR Keenan McCardell.

Jags LB Keith Mitchell was released from the hospital after being admitted on Sunday with a neck injury.

POSTED 12:30 p.m. EDT, UPDATED 2:45 p.m. EDT, September 15, 2003

VICIOUS NEWS FOR JOE J.

Bucs receiver Joe Jurevicius suffered a torn MCL in Sunday's 12-9 overtime loss to the Panthers, and he'll miss 4-6 weeks.

Look for Jurevicius's extended absence to revive talk of veteran Andre Rison joining the Bucs.  Alternatively, corner Ronde Barber (who lined up for some reps in camp at receiver) could pull a Sapp and jump over to the other side of the ball.

Also available is Derrick Alexander, a younger alternative to Rison who wasn't playing horribly with the Chiefs before an ACL tear cut short his only season in Minnesota.

BUCS WEBMASTER FIRING UP FOES?

In the talent-compressed, post-free-agency NFL, the emotional lift that comes from good old-fashioned bulletin board material can be the difference-maker on Sunday (except, of course, for the Browns).

But not all fodder for pre-game frenzies comes from the ill-advised words of players or coaches.  In Tampa, a pimply-faced Webmaster could be giving opponents a shot in the arse via a series of cartoonish introductory segments that twist the tail of the team the Bucs next will play.

Prior to the game against the Panthers, the Bucs promised to baffle the boys from Tobacco Road in a Twilight Zone parody.  This week, the Bucs call themselves "the Falcons worst nightmare," with Mike Vick breathing a sigh of relief as he realizes that his broken leg will keep his those visions of Sugar Sapps snapping his other appendages from coming to fruition.  

Last time we checked, most NFL players were still human beings.  By nature, us homo sapiens (maybe that's what Shockey meant) tend to get fired up when we believe we're being dissed.  And with the Bucs' introductory web segment creating the impression that the team merely expects to show up and win on Sunday, the team is giving their opponents another reason to get stoked to take on the defending champs.

Our guess is that coach Jon Gruden doesn't know about these seemingly innocent vignettes and that, if he did, he'd pull the plug pronto.  

POSTED 6:50 a.m. EDT, UPDATED 9:59 a.m. EDT, September 15, 2003

NOTHING HAS CHANGED IN CINCY

Despite giving a good game to the elderly Oakland "Soon to be in a Tomb" Raiders, league insiders are telling us that the Bengals are still one of the worst franchises in the NFL.

The hiring of Marvin Lewis was supposed to be the start of a new era in Cincy.  For seemingly the first time ever, the Bengals attracted multiple free agents, and the frugal medicine-ball-workouts-and-jock-strap-inventories nature of the organization has given way to more free-spending habits.

Per a league source, however, "Vince Lombardi could be the coach of this team but until they get a real GM and get rid of the [Mike] Brown/[Jim] Lippincott/[Duke] Tobin triangle of ineptitude, they will always be one of the worst teams in he league."

Though our sources concede that Lewis may indeed become a good coach, the book on Marvin is that he's not a personnel guy.  So, as league insiders have observed throughout the past several seasons, the Bengals won't become successful consistent basis until a strong G.M. is installed.

Because Lewis already is entrenched as a head coach with some quasi-G.M. powers, it'd be difficult as a practical matter for the Bengals to install a General Manager in the short term -- even if they were inclined to do so.

CLOUDS GATHER IN CLARETT SAGA

The news that Maurice Clarett's lawyer has asked the NFL to reverse its rule preventing kids less than three years out of high school to join the draft tells us that the wheels are in motion for a formal legal challenge.

In our view, the rule is susceptible, since it arbitrarily prevents qualified athletes from earning a living.

But the question, as some see it, is whether Clarett's lawyer is the right guy to take on this fight. 

The Clarett family has hired Alan C. Milstein, who has made his name via the aggressive pursuit of lawsuits on behalf of persons injured in clinical trials.  He has a reputation for scorched-earth tactics, and for suing everyone remotely connected to his clients' injuries.

He also is known to be very creative and aggressive.  So while some league insiders openly question whether Milstein has the qualifications to take on the NFL in subject matter that falls outside of his normal expertise, we think that Milstein might be the right guy to stare down an organization that has been known to be a bully in the courtroom -- if he brings that same zeal he's used in the past to his impending battle with the NFL.

Sure, Milstein might piss some people off.  But since the NFL has made clear its desire to defend its rule, there's no reason not to step on toes.  The league is hunkering down for a fight, so in our opinion Milstein needs to come out with briefs blazing -- especially since there's a limited amount of time to get the rule vacated.

If anything, we're concerned about the fact that Milstein plans first to meet with league lawyers before launching his legal assault.  The league won't cave on this one, so why waste time setting up and attending a futile sit-down with a room full of blue suits?

We think Milstein should pick the best forum for his client's cause and file suit ASAFP.  As we explained a few weeks back, the NFL could choose to make a preemptive strike on this issue, suing Clarett for a legal declaration that the rule is valid in a jurisdiction that the NFL believes will either be sufficiently favorable to its position or sufficiently slow in its resolution of the issue.

By sending letters and requesting meetings, Milstein is actually making it easier for the league to meet the required showing of a sufficient controversy to justify making the first move.

The bottom line is that we think Milstein can do the job.  He just needs to start doing it, if Mo wants to have a shot at suiting up on opening day 2004. 

MORE TIP SHEET TOMFOOLERY

We haven't paid much attention lately to Len Pastabelli's trademark "Tip Sheet," which to the surprise of most doesn't contain items like "milkshake" and "sausage and peppers."

Basically, we've gotten bored with tweaking Lenny.  Many league insiders see him for what he is -- a shill for those who give him scoop and a subtle pilferer of ideas and news that are spawned elsewhere.

But we (and some of our NFL contacts) nevertheless continue to be astounded by P. Belly's blatant ass-kissing of guys like Bills G.M. Tom Donahoe and Redskins owner Dan Snyderbrenner.

In his most recent Tip Sheet, Len gives yet another nod to Donahoe for having the common sense to chat with 80-something owner Ralph Wilson before spending big chunks of his money on players.

All together now . . . "Duh."

We suspect, Len, that most General Managers drop a brief note to the guy who signs the checks before placing one with lots of zeroes in front of him -- especially if the G.M. hopes to continue getting a periodic check made payable to himself.

This, in our view, is beyond butt-smooching.  It's blatant cronyism, and Pastabelli's credibility is, in our eyes, forever undermined (as if it wasn't already).

Similarly, Pastaboy puts his nose back in its normal resting place within the crack of Snyder's bum.  By reminding us at that surprise cuts Danny Wuerrfel and Kenny Watson are still trolling for work, Len defends Snyder's deciding vote to dump both of them, despite the wishes of his head coach.

Hey, Len, the question of whether Wuerrfel can find another job in the NFL is irrelevant to whether he should be playing for the Redskins.  Indeed, no one else wanted the former Heisman winner when his college coach, Steve Spurrier, invited him to the 1990-2001 Gator reunion of 2002.  This year, all of the other former Gators were gone, but Spurrier still preferred Wuerrfel to Rob "Speed Bag" Johnson as the backup to Patrick Ramsey. Who's to say whether Snyder made a mistake in keeping Johnson until Johnson is forced into the lineup if/when Ramsey gets injured?

The irony here, of course, is that Lenny's role model in Buffalo gave up on Johnson a few years back.  Now, Len's little friend in D.C. embraces him.  Can they both, then, be considered geniuses?

We know this kind of stuff means little to the average fan.  But since plenty of league insiders and journalists visit this here page (and since no Web site is focusing on issues like these), we're compelled to delve into them.

MOST LIKELY TO NOT FINISH THE YEAR REPORT

It's fairly easy to figure out which coaches are on the hot seat, especially once the standings carry more "L's" than an obsessive-compulsive carpenter.

This year, we'll be taking a weekly look at the short list of coaches who might not be fired on "Black Monday" -- since they could be pushed out sooner.

Here's our first installment.

1.  Dave McGinnis, Cardinals -- The only good news for McGinnis during Sunday's 38-0 loss to the Seahawks was that not many people were there to see it.  Still, his 0-2 start and the team's lackluster offense puts him at the top of the list, for now.

2.  Dick Jauron, Bears -- To his credit, the Bears hung tough with a superior Vikings roster, making the Vikes work hard for the win.  It could've been much worse after a 49-7 loss in week one.  But, obviously, the situation isn't very good.

3.  Herman Edwards, Jets -- Barring another stirring turnaround by the team, owner Woody Johnson (why didn't they sign him to be the Levitra spokesman?) eventually will clean house.  A sufficient media and/or fan outcry could make the shoe drop sooner rather than later.

4.  Andy Reid, Eagles -- We know we're way out on a limb here, but the pressure is mounting in Philly and we suspect that Joe Banner already is covering his own ass by suggesting to owner Jeffrey Lurie that the disappointing start to the season is Reid's fault.  If this team is 2-6 or worse at midseason, Reid could shock the football world by walking away (under duress) in November.

5.  Bill Parcells, Cowboys -- Think we're kidding?  If the losses mount (and mount they will), owner Jerry Jones won't be able to hold his tongue.  And when Jones pops off, the Tuna will stick a shoe in his ass -- and ride right out of town.

MONDAY ONE-LINERS

As the Cowboys get ready for "Homo Bowl I," questions have arisen regarding the strength of the platonic relationship between Bill Parcells and Jerry Jones.

Bears QB Kordell Stewart suffered a stinger late in Sunday night's loss to the Vikings, but he'll likely be fine when the team returns to action on September 29 against the Packers (and we're still trying to figure out whether that's good news or bad news).

Raiders WR Jerry Rice is getting frustrated with the team's sputtering offense.  "I didn't come back for this," Rice said after the team struggled to a win over the Bengals.

Across the Bay, WR Terrell Owens is mildly griping about his lack of looks in a close game at St. Louis.

Texans DT Seth Payne suffered a torn ACL in Sunday's loss at New Orleans.

RB Clinton Portis's argument for a huge-money contract likely took a hit on Sunday when RB Mike Anderson came in and moved the chains after Portis was hurt.

Saints LB Sedrick Hodge is out for 10-12 weeks with broken bone in his knee, and CB Dale Carter is out indefinitely with a concussion.

Raider Nation apparently has relocated to Tampa along with former coach Jon Gruden -- the Bucs are crying about the number of flags that the refs threw on them on Sunday.

Raiders WR Jerry Porter underwent surgery to repair what turned out to be two hernias -- and the procedure was successful.

POSTED 7:50 a.m. EDT, September 14, 2003

BOLTS HAVE BUYER'S REMORSE OVER BOSTON

The San Diego Chargers knew that they were taking a calculated risk when they signed former Cardinals receiver David Boston to a $47 million contract earlier this year.  Boston has had injury problems and some off-field issues in his four uneven seasons with Arizona.

And a  league source tells us that the Chargers already are having buyer's remorse regarding their decision on Boston.

Per the source, Boston has informed the Chargers that he won't return to the field until his injured heel is at "100 percent."  Since no player (except maybe a few kickers) is at "100 percent" once the regular season commences, the Chargers are worried that their multi-million-dollar investment won't be paying dividends very soon.

It's a common phenomenon.  When a guy lands a huge signing bonus, an equally huge temptation to coast arises.  Some guys don't miss a step when their pockets are full.  Others (e.g., Daryl Gardener) quickly turn into turds once their contract-year performance has been parlayed into a payday.   

And there's not much the Chargers can do.  By giving Boston a $7.5 million bonus and $4 million in guaranteed 2004 salary, cutting him would wreak havoc on their salary cap.  By the time the Chargers can afford to take the cap hit, Boston will have made $12 million or so.

Then, like Gardener in 2002, Boston will sign a modest one-year contract and become, for one season, a model citizen.  Like Gardener, Boston will parlay his performance into another big contract.

And like Gardener in 2003, Boston will be in a position to tank all over again.

KEARSE LIVING OFF OF FUMES?

Speaking of guys in their contract years, Titans defensive end Jevon Kearse is trying to get an extension in Tennessee, but the Titans have yet to pounce on the opportunity to lock up the "Freak."

A league source has opined for us that Kearse's agent, Drew Rosenhaus, should try to get the deal done sooner rather than later, since (in the source's view) Kearse primarily is living off of his first two NFL seasons (1999 and 2000). 

"If I'm the Titans," said the source, "he'll have to prove to me he can play at a high level and stay healthy for more than one game before I give him a big contract --and even then it wouldn't be nearly as big as Kearse wants."

Rosenhaus believes that Kearse's leverage will increase as the season unfolds.  ''Jevon and I think with each game his position will grow,'' Rosenhaus recently told the Nashville Tennessean. ''Jevon is focusing on each game and helping the team win and I am just trying to do the best job I can to get this contract expedited.  We are both doing our jobs and there will be a fruitful outcome here at some point in the future.''

One of the potential barriers to doing a deal during the season is that the Titans are pressed fairly tight against the salary cap.  So if Kearse's leverage indeed grows via solid performances, what he gets might not be a bigger contract now -- but a franchise tag after the season.

POSTED 7:55 a.m. EDT, September 13, 2003

WARNER JUST DOESN'T GET IT

By suggesting on Friday that maybe he didn't even have a concussion last Sunday against the Giants, Rams quarterback Kurt Warner doesn't realize the potential implications of his most recent effort to talk his way back into the starting lineup.

"I took a shot one way or the other that caused some of the symptoms," Warner said.  "But I've had some doctors say that concussions are a relative term and others have said this may not even classify as a concussion."

Hey, Kurt -- you should want to attribute last Sunday's FieldTurf turd against the Giants to a concussion.  The only other explanation for your performance, if not induced by fogging of the brain, is that you've lost the skills that made you the two-time MVP of the league. 

But in his quest to get back into the job that he now views as his birthright, Warner will say and do anything.

"Because [the symptoms] went away so quickly, a lot of people say we throw around the term very flippantly," Warner said. "Concussions are those guys that three or four days -- or three or four weeks -- later are still suffering symptoms."

You're wrong, Kurt.  A concussion isn't defined by the duration of the symptoms, but by their mere presence.  You indeed had a concussion on Sunday, and your suggestion four days later that you didn't make us wonder whether the symptoms really have dissipated.

KORDELL'S KONFIDENCE IS ALREADY SHOT

Rarely in the history of the NFL has there been a quarterback whose performance in any given week is influenced heavily by his performance in the preceding week's game.

But Bears quarterback Kordell Stewart has brought to the position a mindset that allows him gradually to build on success, and quickly to wallow in failure.

In Stewart's Pro Bowl season of 2001, Steelers offensive coordinator Mike Mularkey brick-by-bricked Kordell's confidence level, relying on the running game and switching to the pass once opposing defenses were obsessed with stopping Jerome Bettis.

Consider the facts.

In a week one loss at Jacksonville, Kordell had 181 yards passing and two picks.  After the 9/11 postponement week and a week two bye, Kordell had only 105 yards passing in a 20-3 win at Buffalo.

The next week, Stewart had 151 yards passing in a 16-7 win over the Bungles.  The following week at K.C., Kordell had 141 yards and his first touchdown pass of the season.

In the Steelers' "breakout" win at Tampa, when the boys from the 'Burgh first were recognized as a Super Bowl contender, Stewart threw for only 100 yards, with two picks.  There was a touchdown pass in that game . . . but it came from Jerome Bettis.

With the team at 4-1, Stewart had four interceptions, an average of less than 140 yards passing per week, and as many touchdown passes as the Bus.

And that's when it happened.  Mike Mularkey somehow coaxed Kordell into taking advantage of the looks he was getting.  In a high-profile Monday night game against the Titans, Stewart threw for 252 yards and a touchdown on the way to a 34-7 win.

From there, Stewart's confidence continued to grow.  Until, of course, it was shattered (again) in an AFC championship game loss to the underestimated Patriots, when Stewart threw two late picks (three total) as the Steelers' Super Bowl run came crashing to a halt.

The consequences of that title game tanking carried into 2002, landing Stewart on the bench after only a few weeks, and ending his career in Pittsburgh.

So when they signed Stewart in the offseason, the Bears knew that they were getting a good physical specimen with a delicate psyche.  Although the team arguably didn't spend enough time tailoring its offense to his specific skills, there were constant efforts to get Kordell in the proper mindset.  Indeed, we got a phone call at one point from a member of the Bears front office regarding our criticisms of Kordell's struggles with John Shoop's complex offense.

And after a week one debacle in San Francisco, quarterback Greg Olson candidly admits that the team's primary challenge this week has been rebuilding Kordell's confidence. 

What Olson doesn't realize is that Kordell's confidence can't be restored quickly.  Stewart never will rebound from a bad game with a good game.  Instead, the Bears need to let him fade into the background for a few weeks (as the Steelers did in 2001), and hope that his confidence slowly will regenerate.

The problem in Chicago is that the Bears don't have the horses to carry the running game while Kordell limits his throws.  Given the news that speedster David Terrell will be getting more reps, it looks like the Bears' plan to get Stewart's head screwed on straight by letting him throw the deep ball, like he did late in the 2001 season to Plaxico Burress.

It won't work.  Kordell will overthrow and/or underthrow Terrell, resulting in more picks, more losses, and (we predict) a hook for Stewart by the middle of October.

MARTZ'S SALARY KEEPS HIM SAFE?

We've had our issues in the past with Bernie Miklasz of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, but we'll admit we're impressed with Bernie's take on the possibility that Rams coach Mike Martz will get poop-canned during or after the 2003 season.

Because Martz signed a $15 million extension prior to the 2002 season, the Rams would still owe Martz a whopping $10 million if the team cuts him loose early.

So instead of firing Martz, Miklasz reports that team president John Shaw is far more likely to demand that Martz relinquish some of his control over game-day decision-making, such as calling the offensive plays.

Still, we're not ready to rule out the possibility of termination.  Perhaps Shaw is merely rattling the cage about possible changes to provoke the egomaniacal Martz to say or do something that will make it easier from a P.R. standpoint to run Martz out of town.

As we see it, the Rams will pay Martz the $10 million whether or not he's the head coach.  If Shaw believes that the team is suffering from Martz's continued presence, then who cares about whether Martz will actually be earning his coin?

Besides, the money owed to Martz would be reduced by any salary he earns elsewhere in 2004.

SATURDAY ONE-LINERS

Packers WR Robert Ferguson made a surprising return to practice on Friday, despite knee and ankle injuries suffered late in last Sunday's loss to the Vikings.

Broncos DT Daryl Gardener made his return to practice on Friday after suffering a broken wrist prior to the season.

Pats LB Tedy Bruschi backed off of comments made to SI regarding the effect of the Lawyer Milloy cut on Bruschi's desire to lay it on the line for the Pats.

The Redskins signed TE Kevin Ware and released OG Wilber Brown.

Georgia Tech coach Chan Gailey, a former NFL coach, thinks that the NFL would fight to prevent early entry to the draft in order to keep peace with the NCAA -- but Gailey isn't sure the league would win a legal challenge to its rule.

Chiefs TE Tony Gonzalez practiced Friday and will play Sunday despite an ankle injury.

Arizona's "other" rookie wideout -- first-rounder Bryant Johnson -- will play a more prominent role this week against the Seahawks.

Packers FB Nick Luchey suffered a strained left calf in practice Thursday and is questionable for Sunday.

Packers CB Mike McKenzie was fined $5,000 for wearing his socks too low last Sunday.

The Jags are pissed that the local CBS affiliate will be airing the Dolphins-Jets game at the same time the Jaguars are hosting the Bills in a partially empty stadium (hey, guys -- if you could figure out a way to put an ass in every seat, stuff like this wouldn't happen).

New Vikings defensive coordinator George O'Leary is focused on creating turnovers.

The league admits that there were seven blown calls against the Dolphins in their week one loss to the Texans (hmm, did one of the zebras have some coin on Houston plus 14?).

Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren tore up his 15-play script after two three-and-outs against the Saints.

Steelers RB Jerome Bettis practiced on Friday despite a groin injury, and he likely will play on Sunday at Kansas City.

CB Sam Madison and LB Zach Thomas likely will be in the lineup on Sunday when the Fins face the Jets.

Vikings CB Corey Chavous likely will play with a sprained knee; RB Doug Chapman likely won't with a sprained ankle.

Titans DT Robaire Smith will appeal a $15,000 fine for "impermissible physical contact with a game official."

The Cardinals have re-signed WR Nate Poole.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The only thing I miss is the cheesesteaks."

Jaguars DE Hugh Douglas, on whether he misses his old city of Philadelphia.

POSTED 6:35 a.m. EDT, September 12, 2003

MARTZ FARTS AWAY HIS POWER

Word around the league is that, due to a bad track record in acquiring players, Rams coach Mike Martz no longer has any influence over personnel decisions made by the team.

Instead, the decisions on player acquisition are now being made by team president John Shaw and president of football operations Jay Zygmunt.

Martz grabbed power in the organization not long after he became head coach in 2000.  He never has had the title of General Manager, but he has had final say in all personnel decisions since being hired as coach.

Still, Martz's track record in the draft and free agency has been, to be kind, pathetic.

Terrence Wilkins.

Jacoby Shepherd.

Trung Canidate.

Eric Crouch.

Robert Thomas.

Troy Edwards.

Even the guys who haven't flat-out flopped (e.g., Ryan Pickett, Damione Lewis, Adam Archuleta, each of whom were drafted in the first round of the 2001 draft) likewise haven't lived up to expectations.

Also, Martz allowed key contributors like Az Hakim and Ricky Proehl get away, and he arguably wasted $7 million this past offseason by picking up the option of a star quarterback whose bag-boy-to-MVP deal with the devil expired after the 2001 NFC championship game.

Sure, Martz made at least one good decision in signing Marc Bulger.  However, it wasn't enough to allow Martz to remain in charge of the personnel function.

It's no secret that Martz's star has fallen in the organization, or that he has made plenty of enemies in more than three seasons as the head coach.  And if the Rams don't turn it around quickly, Martz also will lose his coaching duties.

POSTED 9:45 p.m. EDT, September 11, 2003

POPP WANTS MO TO TAKE IT SLOW

Montreal Alouettes G.M. Jim Popp, a friend of this here site, discouraged on Thursday the possibility of soon-to-be-former Ohio State tailback Maurice Clarett joining the 'Ettes if/when he says goodbye to Columbus.

"I'm a true believer that all players should try to get their college education," Popp said.  "They can only play pro football so long.  He needs to get his degree.  That's the best thing that can happen to him."

Though Popp squatted on his CFL rights once it seemed apparent that Clarett will be wearing Buckeyes on his grill this fall only if he pisses off a squirrel, Popp said that he won't court Clarett.  Instead, Popp will listen to Mo if the player chooses on his own to abandon the NCAA and turn pro.  Since Maurice can't enter the NFL draft until 2005, his only option would be to sign with a Canadian club.

Though Popp points out that Clarett won't make a bunch of money in the CFL -- any more is more money than Clarett would earn if he stays in the college game.

'COPTER SPOOKS G-MEN

A military helicopter flew over Giants Stadium on Thursday, and the maneuver gave the practicing G-men a scare, given that it was the second anniversary of the September 11 attacks.

"You definitely thought something was happening," said receiver Amani Toomer, "because you know today is the anniversary.

"When you see that helicopter -- it was big, dark and it came really, really low.  It got everybody's attention."

But not everyone assumed it was related to terrorism.  Said Giants defensive tackle Keith Hamilton, who was charged with possession of drugs in May, "I thought they were coming for me."

PORTER'S ESTIMATED ABSENCE IS LOW

In response to reports from Len Pastabelli that Raiders wideout Jerry Porter will have surgery on Friday to repair a sports hernia, league insiders are scoffing at the notion that Porter could miss (as P. Belly reports) as few as three weeks.

It takes about eight weeks, if not longer, to recover from a sports hernia, which essentially is a hernia suffered by a guy who happens to play sports.

Porter supposedly suffered the injury late in the 2002 season.  His absence seriously hampers a receiving corps headlined by two junior AARP members, Tim Brown and Jerry Rice.

EARLY FRIDAY ONE-LINERS

Steelers LB Joey Porter has gone from out to doubtful to out, less than two weeks removed from taking a bullet to the boo-tay.

The Oakland Raiders have posted on their Web site an official list of items that shall not be brought into the stadium, and the list includes firearms, knives, weapons, "any size poles or sticks," and "inappropriate attire or signage" (no wonder they can't sell the damn place out on a consistent basis).

R.W. McQuarters will handle the punt return duties for the Bears on Sunday night at Minny.

Green Bay WR Donald Driver is out and WR Robert Ferguson is questionable for Sunday's game against the Lions.

Panthers LB Dan Morgan injured his hamstring on Wednesday and is questionable for Sunday at Tampa.

Somehow, the Saints sold enough tickets to guarantee that their home opener will be televised.

POSTED 1:10 p.m. EDT, September 11, 2003

FATHER TIME IS A TITAN

With kicker Joe Nedney lost due to a torn ACL, the Tennessee Titans have dusted off NFL all-time scoring leader Gary "Father Time" Anderson to take over the placekicking duties.

Anderson, an umpteen year veteran, qualifies for the one-year salary of $750,000, which costs the team only $450,000 in real money and in cap dollars.

Anderson had spent the last several years with the Vikings.  He made every single kick except one in 1998 -- missing a 39-yard field goal that would've clinched a victory in the NFC title game.  

Last season, in a nationally televised game against the Dolphins, Anderson punched a game-winning 50-yard knuckleball through the uprights after former teammate Cris Carter stridently informed his aqua-clad buddies that Anderson didn't have sufficient pop in his withering, 44-year-old appendage (his leg is getting weak, too).

For this reason, we suspect that the Titans likely will consider using punter Craig Hentrich for field goal attempts of 40 yards or longer, given Hentrich's impressive display or strength and accuracy in the team's week one victory over the Raiders.

POSTED 6:42 a.m. EDT, UPDATED 8:35 a.m. EDT, September 11, 2003

JETS REACH FOR BATES

Sure, Michael Bates has been one of the top special teams players over the past 10 years.

The key words in that sentence are "has" and "been."

With the Jets turning to Bates as their primary kick returner, league insiders were quick to remind us that Bates didn't play at all in 2002.  He last was on the Redskins roster in 2001.

Still, the Jets pounced on Bates, who was cut by the Panthers on August 31.  To make room for the 10-year veteran, the Jets released Albert Johnson -- who returned two kicks for 50 yards against the Redskins.

"Albert wasn't quite a disappointment," said special teams coach Mike Westhoff, "but Albert didn't fulfill enough roles.  I was disappointed in that."

Bates, in his prime, also excelled on coverage teams for the Panthers.

Westhoff expects Bates to jump in immediately.  "If we played tomorrow, he'd play.  The roles I have him in, he can do very well.  He understands completely.  It's not like learning offense.  I'll turn him loose.  I wouldn't turn everybody loose, but I'll turn him loose."

Though we appreciate the e-mails we've already received reminding us that Bates suffered a broken ankle in the 2002 preseason, which landed him on the IR list, we still think that the Jets shouldn't get too excited about the signing of a 33-year-old guy whose best days surely are behind him.

And maybe, deep down, the Jets fear that Bates won't make it back to his old form.  Because Bates was signed after the first regular season game, his salary is not guaranteed.  If the Jets thought the guy was a sure-fire performer, why not sign him prior to week one and guarantee his salary?

TEXANS TIGHT END BLOWS HIS LEVERAGE?

In the wake of news that Houston Texans tight end Billy Miller has agreed to a four-year contract extension worth $4 million, league insiders can't understand why Miller opted to move so quickly to sign an extension.

Miller had been operating under a one-year deal with the Texans, after emerging at the starting tight end a year ago.  He led the team in catches, and he was sixth among tight ends in receptions.

With the 2003 one-year franchise salary at the tight end position at $3.05 million, league insiders can't understand why Miller would accept such a relatively inexpensive contract offer -- especially when it seems that the Texans' star (and, in turn, Miller's profile) likely will rise considerably this season.

How strong is the sentiment that Miller moved too quickly?  At least one source said that the decision to take only a $1 million bonus was "ridiculous."

UPDATED THURSDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Raiders S Rod Woodson had arthroscopic knee surgery on Tuesday, and he likely won't play on Sunday.

With Pats LB Ted Johnson suffering from a broken foot, Tedy Bruschi will move inside and Roman Phifer will fill Bruschi's spot.

The Packers waived WR Karsten Bailey and LB Hunter Hillenmeyer in order to make room for WR Antonio Freeman and WR Chris Jackson.

Bears WR Dez White isn't happy that he's losing playing time to David Terrell.

Chargers WR David Boston likely won't play this weekend against the Broncos.

Dolphins QB Sage Rosenfels has been fined $12,500 for an illegal block in a preseason game that resulted in a torn ACL for Saints S Mel Mitchell.

Cardinals coach Dave McGinnis denies that the Lions stole the Cards defensive signals (like the rest of us, Dave apparently realizes that his defense just plain sucks).

Eagles S Brian Dawkins will miss 2-6 weeks with a strained, but not torn, Lisfranc thingy.

Though he had no catches in week one, Vikings rookie WR Nate Burleson is entrenched at No. 3, and there are rumblings that he could in time overtake D'Wayne Bates at No. 2.

Cowboys coach Bill Parcells realizes the tall task that faces him in Texas:  "The culture has set in of not winning," Parcells said, "and you have to get enough good players in place to overcome that."

The Falcons might face the Redskins without both starting safeties -- Keion Carpenter and Cory Hall.

The Saints re-signed RB Ki-Jana Carter, after cutting him prior to week one.

QB Patrick Ramsey will play despite a tweaked knee, but WR Taylor Jacobs is out for the Redskins game against the Falcons.

If the Colts don't sell 3,700 tickets soon, their streak of 33 straight regular season sellouts will end.

From the "no sh-t, Sherlock" file, Ravens coach Brian Billick recognizes that, with a rookie quarterback leading the offense, RB Jamal Lewis needs to get a lot of carries.

Steelers LB Joey Porter denies a report by ESPN's Chris Mortenson that he was banging on the Ravens bus in an effort to get at LB Ray Lewis.

Good news -- the Jags sold 500 tickets on Wednesday for the home opener against the Bills; bad news -- they need an 800 percent increase on Thursday in order to sell the rest of the empty seats.

Sunday's game between the Eagles and Pats is the first time in 71 years that two teams who were shut out on opening day will meet in week two.

From the "goofy sayings that make us cringe" file, Vikings coach Mike "Meathead" Tice said Wednesday, "One of the most vicious and deadly animals is a wounded Bear."

Bucs DT Warren Sapp will get more opportunities at tight end.

CB Doug Evans is back with the Seahawks after rookie fifth-rounder Chris Davis tore an ACL in the season opener.

Giants OT Luke Petigout likely will play Monday night, despite back spasms that knocked him out after the first quarter of the season opener.

Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio said that QB Byron Leftwich will remain ahead of David Garrard on the depth chart "until we say otherwise."

Another day, another report that an NFL team thinks that ESPN's "Playmakers" is a piece of caa-caa.

POSTED 6:40 a.m. EDT, September 10, 2003

LIONS FROTHING FOR FREEMAN?

One of our moles in Motown tells us that the Detroit Lions are making a run at free-agent receiver Antonio Freeman, who is being heavily courted by the Green Bay Packers.

Per the source, the Lions have been persistent in their sudden pursuit of Freeman, with team officials calling his cell phone while he was visiting with the Packers.

In our view, the Lions are merely trying to keep the Packers from shoring up a precariously thin receiving corps.  If Matt Millen and Steve Mariucci had a genuine interest in using Freeman to upgrade the talent at the receiver position in Detroit, why wasn't Freeman courted before the Packers pursued him?

Sure, if the Lions had signed him prior to opening day, his full salary for 2003 would have been guaranteed.  But there had been no hint that the Lions were interested in Free until the Pack lost Donald Driver and Robert Ferguson to injury on Sunday, exposing their weaknesses at the position.

Hopefully, Freeman and his agent can see through the effort by the Lions not to help Antonio, but to hurt the Packers.  Besides, why wouldn't Freeman want to go to a team where he's familiar with the quarterback and the offensive scheme?

Indeed, Freeman could come in as an instant starter in Green Bay.  With Driver and Ferguson out for Sunday's contest (which coincidentally is against the Lions), Javon Walker is No. 1 on the depth chart.

QUARLES, NECE DIDN'T FIGHT

A league source tells us that rumors attributing Bucs linebacker Shelton Quarles' broken arm to a fight with teammate Ryan Nece are off the mark.

Per the source, the injury occurred during a special teams drill.  Quarles, who was running with the scout team for the drill, blocked Nece so effectively that the coach ran the drill again.  The second time around, Nece knocked Quarles to the ground, and Quarles fell awkwardly, breaking his arm.

WEDNESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Steelers LB Joey Porter has been upgraded to "doubtful" for Sunday's game at Kansas City, due to a much-publicized gunshot to the fudgecan.

Redskins QB Patrick Ramsey has a sore and swollen right knee, but he plans to practice this week and play on Sunday against the Falcons.

The agent for Eagles S Bryan Dawkins denies that Dawkins suffered a season-ending Lisfranc injury against the Bucs.

S Willie Offord will get another chance in Minnesota if Corey Chavous (the NFC defensive player of the week) can't play Sunday night, with a sprained knee.

The Texans have reached agreement with TE Billy Miller on a four-year, $4 million extension.

Redskins WR Taylor Jacobs is waiting for medical clearance to play after suffering a bruised pancreas in the final preseason game.

With K Joe Nedney gone for the season, the Titans have worked out Brett Conway, and they'll be working out Gary Anderson and Neil Rackers.

The Jags still have 9,000 unsold seats for the team's home opener, virtually guaranteeing a TV blackout.

S Victor Green is making a pitch for rejoining the Pats.

Vikings offensive coordinator Scott Linehan said that rookie RB Onterrio Smith won't play until he has "a great week of practice."

QUOTE OF THE DAY

From former Lions receiver Johnnie Morton, who was released prior to the 2002 season:  "My goal is to get [CEO] Matt Millen fired.  That is my goal. You can play it in Detroit.  I said it.  We'll worry about that later."

POSTED 8:45 a.m. EDT, September 9, 2003

'SKINS GOT SCREWED BY LAWYER?

Word around the league is that the Washington Redskins believed they had a verbal agreement in place with safety Lawyer Milloy -- prior to his release by the Patriots last Tuesday.

Per a league source, owner Dan Snyder was furious when the discreet deal the team became, in essence, the starting point for contract talks with the Bills.

We know, we know.  We gave Peter "Burger" King a hard time last week for blowing the whistle on the possibility that the 'Skins tampered with Milloy, given that technical violations of the tampering rules are commonplace in the NFL.

But it's one thing for a team to throw out a possible contract number before the player gets cut by his current organization.  It's quite another for a team to work out in advance the terms of a multi-year package -- and then to rely upon the agreement to the point of being pissed off when the player chooses another suitor after he hits the open market.

We're told that the Redskins were so confident they'd bag Milloy that they planned to insert him into the starting lineup against the Jets on September 4.  Snyder, we hear, initially got rankled when Milloy wasn't released (as Snyder had expected) on Monday, September 1. 

Although Milloy now is making like Sgt. Schulz regarding his comments to King, plenty of other folks will likewise be required to zip it if/when the league starts poking around on this one.

Don't be shocked if the real story here eventually becomes the efforts of the 'Skins (if any) to cover up the apparently flagrant violation of the tampering rules.

Regardless, if the 'Skins indeed had an illegal contract in place with Milloy, it's fitting that the rug was pulled out from under them.  And the Redskins will get a chance to take a chunk out of Milloy later this year, when they travel to Buffalo on October 19. 

POSTON GOT PAID ONLY IF PATS PUNTED

Here's another wrinkle on the Milloy story that has gotten precious little play in the press.

Milloy's agent, Carl Poston, stood to make no money under Lawyer's former contract with the Patriots.  But by getting Milloy cut, Poston gets his full cut of the new deal.

Milloy's prior contract was negotiated by Ray Anderson, who got out of the agent thing a year ago when he became an executive with the Falcons.  Though Poston inherited Milloy, Poston didn't inherit the agent fee (which we're told was paid to Anderson's firm, Octagon).

Now, Poston will get paid -- and paid well -- for landing Lawyer in Buffalo.  Assuming Poston will receive the standard 3 percent fee, he'll pocket roughly $300,000 over the first two years of Milloy's deal.

So did Poston pull Lawyer's strings in order to get himself paid?  In our view, it doesn't take an advance degree in physics to do the math.

POSTED 10:55 p.m. EDT, September 8, 2003; UPDATED 6:36 a.m. EDT, September 9, 2003

WARNER OUT, BULGER IN FOR THE RAMS

St. Louis Rams coach Mike Martz has decided to hand the ball this weekend to quarterback Marc Bulger, a day after one of Kurt Warner's worst performances ever.

True to form, Warner refuses to concede that he's not the same guy who won two MVP awards in three seasons.

"I think I should play," Warner said.  "As long as the doctors clear me, I'll be ready to go."

Martz stopped short of giving the gig to Builger permanently, explaining that he'll take it all one week at a time for now.

As to Warner's concussion, he was released from the hospital on Monday.  Still, the whole noggin-thump timeline seems peculiar to us.

On Sunday, Martz suggested that Warner was loopy in the second half.  Now, the story is that he was woozy in the first half, but better by halftime -- before, of course, taking a nose dive in the locker room after the game ended.

Wethinks that everyone concerned is scurrying discreetly for cover on this one.  Warner wasn't in a position to make a good decision for himself regarding whether he was fit to play.  A day later, however, Martz and team doctors are the ones acting like they got their eggs scrambled against the G-men.

Concussion or no concussion, we think Warner's well has gone dry.  And if Bulger can play in 2003 like he performed in 2002, it's time for the Rams to close the book on Kurt.

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Rumors abound that Bucs LB Shelton Quarles broke his arm not in a freak accident, but during a tussle with LB Ryan Nece.

Steelers LB Clark Haggans acknowledged for the first time on Monday what readers of this here site have known for a week -- he was with teammate Joey Porter when Porter was shot on August 30.

Bears coach Dick Jauron took the blame for his team's 49-7 loss against the 49ers.

Broncos coach Mike Shanahan isn't concerned about Jake Plummer's 21.7 passer rating on Sunday (but, Mike, you really should be).

The Giants have rejected the possibility of submitting to a mediator their dispute with the New Jersey Sports and Exposition Authority regarding renovations to Giants Stadium.

The Bears have lost another offensive lineman, OG Chris Villarial, to a sprained MCL.

Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio says that he overused DE Hugh Douglas and DE Tony Brackens against the Panthers.

Vikings S Corey Chavous, who had two picks against the Pack, is doubtful for Sunday night's game against the Bears with a sprained MCL.

Steelers RB Jerome Bettis has a groin injury, but it's on the opposite side from the injury that hampered him late in the 2001 season.

Pats coach Bill Belichick isn't concerned about allegations that the Redskins tampered with S Lawyer Milloy.

Redskins RB Trung Canidate will start against the Falcons, but RB Ladell Betts will get plenty of carries, too.

6,500 seats remain for the Colts' home opener -- and only 500 have been sold since August 27.

The Packers are flirting with WR Antonio Freeman, who played last year for the Eagles.

Dolphins DE Jay Williams says that the "I'll see you after practice" line, which got the Texans riled up on Sunday, was a slip of the tongue, not an intentional diss.

The Jags are looking to upgrade their special teams following a poor performance in week one.

The Vikings will be working out a bunch of players on Tuesday.

The Redskins worked out a trio of D-backs on Monday.

The Lions signed CB Alex Molden and CB Rod Babers.

POSTED 8:57 a.m. EDT, September 8, 2003

SOLDIER FIELD GOING AWOL?

We've heard from time to time over the past few months various rumblings regarding the protracted facelift that's being applied to Chicago's Soldier Field.  

And as the September 29 target date for the grand re-opening of Soldier Field approaches, we're hearing that it's possible that the stadium won't be ready.

The easy solution, we're told, would be for the Packers and the Bears to flip-flop the September 29 and December 7 games between the two teams, which are scheduled for Chicago and Green Bay, respectively.

Of course, such a change would prevent the Packers from spoiling the opening day festivities at the new-old stadium, just as the Vikings did at Lambeau on Sunday.

If the move occurs, it would provide a solution to the problem only for one week.  On October 5, the Raiders comes to Chitown -- and there's home-and-home swap that can occur between those two teams.

Stay tuned.  Folks in Chicago are getting very nervous about this one.  Don't be surprised to see some fairly big heads roll, if the opening is indeed delayed.

G-MEN HOPING TO TRADE LEVENS, DAYNE

Word around the league is that the New York Giants have decided to keep running backs Dorsey Levens and Ron Dayne on the inactive list as they wait for someone, somewhere to come sniffing around with a trade offer for one of them.

The Giants assume that one or more teams will suffer an injury at running back prior to the trade deadline, which will drive up the value of Levens and Dayne.

Dayne has wanted out of New York for a while now, and Levens recently has complained about the decision to drop him out of the No. 2 spot at tailback, in favor of Delvin Joyce.

TAGS BACKS OFF ON EXPANSION PLANS

Two days after Commission Paul Tagliabue said that he's "seriously considering" exploring the feasibility of adding two regular season games, Tags apparently has received word on the fate of his calculated trial balloon.

It sank.

Said Tagliabue on Sunday, "I think there's still a pretty large majority of clubs who think the current format is working very well."

Translation -- Tagliabue's comments were met with a fairly quick response from enough owners to persuade him that the move never would be approved.

Tagliabue can save face on this one, because he used enough weasel words on Friday to enable him to take the position that he never really believed that the two games should be added.

Though he still believes that the proliferation of offseason workouts renders a long training camp and preseason unnecessary, someone apparently persuaded him that the fringe players benefit from the extra preseason work, as our own Ron Del Duca explained during a guest spot Saturday on PFT Radio.

In our view, the driving force for the "suggestion" by the Commish is the need to make the networks happy as the next wave of contract negotiations approaches.  The networks have been taking a bath under the current deal, and the league will be hard pressed to retain the same financial bonanza that it was enjoyed over the past several years.

Look for Tagliabue to continue to try to build a consensus on this issue over the next two years.  It's one of the easiest (and only) ways for the league to build on its billion-dollar rights fees package.

POSTED 6:40 a.m. EDT, September 8, 2003

WARNER AND MARTZ:  DUMB AND DUMBERER

Every time we think we've seen it all, someone manages to remind us that, no, the human mind is still capable of even more innovative idiocy.

On Sunday, it was Rams quarterback Kurt Warner and head coach Mike Martz who took the whole "doofus" thing to a new level.

As it turns out, Warner got his bell rung to the point of a "mild-to-moderate" concussion, most likely in the first quarter of Sunday's game against the New York Giants.

Afterward, accounts sharply differ as to whether Warner was fit to play.

Team doctor Bernard Garfinkel cleared Warner to continue.  "It looked like he had been hit on the side of the head, but he felt fine and was thinking clearly," Garfinkel said, according to the New York Times. "He knew everything that was going on.  He wanted to play and there was nothing abnormal neurologically, so we let him play."

But after the game, Martz acknowledged that Warner's responsiveness to communications from the sidelines in the second half was somewhere in the "Dude, Where's My Car?" intelligence band. 

"We couldn't figure out why he was having such a hard time getting plays in," Martz said, according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.  "I was fairly frustrated.  I thought we had a communication problem with the (helmet)."

And, indeed, Martz was jawing at Rams equipment managers on the sidelines in the second half, demanding that they check out Warner's helmet for a defect.

Meanwhile, no one apparently was checking out the thing that fits inside Warner's helmet.

If Warner was having trouble understand the plays that were being called, why wasn't someone putting him through the mental paces on the sidelines?

"Kurt, how many fingers?"

"Tuesday."

And even though Warner wasn't thinking clearly in the second half, why didn't he tell someone that his noggin wasn't working right? 

Then again, maybe it wasn't stupidity on behalf of Martz or Warner.  Maybe it was nothing but good, old-fashioned egomania.

Martz wants us to believe he made the right call in naming Warner the starter for the 2003 season.  (He didn't.)  Warner wants us to believe he's still the guy he was in 1999.  (He isn't.)

"I'm very worried about him," Martz said. "In retrospect, I shouldn't have played him. I regret playing him. The doctors cleared him. . . . The doctors were fine with it, and I'm sure he'll be fine."

C'mon, Mike -- don't try to blame this on the doctors.  You pay them to tell you what you want to hear.  If they don't, you'll find other doctors who will.

If Martz hopes to still be a head coach in the NFL by December, he needs to admit that the team's glory days have passed them by, and that the only chance they'll have to recapture the old magic is to do it with a new guy, Marc Bulger.

PORTER, LEWIS HAVE VERBAL TUSSLE

Though he didn't play on Sunday due to a bullet wound to the buttocks, linebacker Joey Porter had something to contribute to the ongoing war of words between the Steelers and the Ravens.

Specifically, Porter became incensed when Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis imitated Porter's trademark leg kick after making a big play.

"I thought he kind of disrespected me," Porter said. "He came out here, he's doing the boot and telling me this is his house. I think that's negative.  You don't come and disrespect a man who's hurt. Why are you worried about me?  I'm not even playing. Why are you imitating me?  That let me know he doesn't care."

Said Lewis in response:  "Why would I argue with Joey Porter?  He's done nothing in this league.

"This guy ... he's been to one Pro Bowl?  He knows it all now.  Hey, I love Joey Porter.  Do what you do.  Get healthy.  You're always going to stay in my prayers.  But quit your challenging.  We're not hatin' against each other."

By the way, Lewis denies that he was ripping off Porter's move.

"People have been kicking sand for years," Lewis said. "He ain't never started that.  He just brought it back up."

Maybe Porter should start something new when returns to action.  How about, for example, a Ray Lewis-inspired stabbing motion after a big hit?

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Steelers TE Mark Bruener was inactive on Sunday; coach Bill Cowher blamed the decision on the need to use other tight ends who could take Clark Haggans place on special teams.

The NFL plans to investigate whether the Redskins violated anti-tampering rules in its contact with Lawyer Milloy, but with Milloy now denying that there was any offer from the 'Skins before his release in New England, the inquiry likely will go nowhere.

Though the Vikes put QB Brett Favre on his butt only once on Sunday, DT Chris Hovan says the rush was effective:  "You don't have to sack the guy.  See what happens when he gets claustrophobic?  He'll throw it up and our DBs will make plays. That's the difference.  Our DBs are ball hawks this year."

Steelers RB Amos Zereoue heard the boo birds in the second quarter of Sunday's game against the Ravens.

POSTED 7:05 a.m. EDT, UPDATED 7:50 a.m. EDT, September 7, 2003

MUCH ADO ABOUT MILLOY

Okay, so former Pats receiver Lawyer Milloy said he had an offer from the Redskins before he officially was released by New England.

So what?

As anyone who knows anything about how the NFL world goes 'round, this kind of stuff happens all the time.  We know it.  Teams know it.  Players know it.

The fact that Milloy blurted out to SI.com the fact that he had an offer in hand from the 'Skins prior to getting his pink slip from the Pats confirms, in our view, that this kind of stuff is an accepted and, as a practical matter, necessary part of life in the NFL.

Agents routinely gauge interest around the league in their players while the players are still technically under contract elsewhere.  Team officials routinely let agents know -- via oblique, non-committal statements that preserve plausible deniability -- whether any interest is there.

And, yes, sometimes numbers are discussed.

It's not a one-way street.  Teams often make contact with the agents of players who are rumored to be in danger of a release, presumably to beat the rush that might result when the guy's name hits the transaction list.

We doubt that the NFL will do anything about the issue, because the league office surely knows (as does everyone else) that discussions occur in advance of the date on which discussions may commence.

Then again, the NFL may have no choice, given the attention that the issue is receiving.  In the end, look for Milloy to say that he was misunderstood, and for the 'Skins to hold firm in their denials of any improper contact.

And shame on Peter King for violating the tacit agreement between NFL journalists and the folks they cover not to delve into specific matters of tampering.  Hopefully, league insiders will realize that King's big fat mouth could, in the end, make it harder for them to do their jobs -- and, hopefully, they'll consider that when he comes calling for some scoop.

TAGS TACKLES "PLAYMAKERS"

NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue says that he has had discussions with ESPN regarding "Playmakers," its fictional (and really crappy) show about pro football.

"[E]veryone feels it's a rather gross mischaracterization of our sport," Tagliabue said.

Tagliabue made his comments on CNN Thursday night.  Fortunately, one of the few people who still watch CNN works for the New York Daily News, which has a story on the interview in its Sunday edition.

Tagliabue said that the NFL Players Association likewise has voiced concerns regarding the show.

And since "Playmakers" debuted nearly two weeks ago, we've noticed published stories from Pittsburgh, Kansas City, and Carolina containing critical comments from players regarding the show. 

As the Daily News observes, ESPN's first foray into fiction could strain the network's relationship with the league.  And if someone else (e.g., TBS) steps up to the plate for a piece of the NFL broadcast package when the contract comes up after the 2005 season, perhaps ESPN will have a three-hour hole to fill with past episodes of "Playmakers" on Sundays nights in the fall.

SUNDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Vikings coach Mike Tice admits that he's "too sensitive" and that he sometimes talks too much (hey, Mikey -- it's not the quantity of the words that troubles us, but the quality).

The Falcons expect WR Peerless Price to be double-teamed against Dallas -- which is something Price rarely (if ever) faced when he was running No. 2 across from Eric Moulds in Buffalo.

The Seahawks added LT Walter Jones to the active roster on Saturday.

Bears QB Kordell Stewart says