Here it is, updated for 2008, the PFT All-Time, All-Turd roster:

Michael Irvin, WR, Cowboys:  No one can dispute his talent or performance, but off the field the guy was King Turd.  Drugs, adultery, etc.  Irvin pleaded no contest to felony cocaine possession charges in July 1996.  Sure, he’s in the Hall of Fame now.  But even Irvin realizes that his non-football exploits arguably make him unfit for that honor.

Lance Rentzel, WR, Vikings, Cowboys, Rams:  Arrested for exposing himself to a 10-year-old girl.  Even worse, he married Joey Heatherton.

Rae Carruth, WR, Panthers:  Decided to avoid 18 years of paying out the rear end by having the baby and the mother killed.  (Fortunately, the child survived.)  So Rae will instead spend the next 18 years or so paying up the rear end.

Michael Westbrook, WR, Redskins:  One of the all-time first-round receiver busts whose most memorable moment was beating the crap out of Stephen Davis in 1997.

Andre Rison, WR, It’s Easier To List the Teams He Didn’t Play For:  Rison had a long-time Romeo-and-Juliet thing going with Lisa Lopes of the hip-hop trio TLC, but their relationship exhibited some of the deleted scenes from the Bard’s final draft — such as Juliet putting all of Romeo’s shoes in the tub, setting them on fire, and consequently burning down his house, and Romeo shooting a gun at Rosencrantz and Guildenstern after they tried to break up a fight between the two star-crossed lovers.  Rison also has been arrested on several occasions for failing to pay child support.  (Hey, at least he didn’t try to have the kids and/or their mothers killed.)

Terrell Owens, WR, 49ers, Eagles, Cowboys:  Single-handedly turned a Super Bowl contender into an also-ran with his selfishness, narcissism, and greed.

Albert Connell, WR, Redskins, Saints:  Re-defined rookie hazing as “stealing the dude’s money.”

Chris Henry, WR, Bengals:  Henry’s eight-game suspension was the icing on the cake for the short-term tenure of embarrassment and shame.  His 2008 arrest got him cut by the Bengals, finally.

(NEW FOR 2008) Steve Smith, WR, Panthers:  Nearly six years after sucker-punching teammate Anthony Bright, Smith beat the crap out of teammate Ken Lucas during training camp.

(NEW FOR 2008) Brandon Marshall, WR, Broncos:  The new Pacman, Marshall spends more time with the cops than a donut cook.  His bogus McDonald’s bag story is the true stuff of legend.

(NEW FOR 2008) Chad Johnson, WR, Bengals:  His shameful campaign to get traded and his vow to never play for the Bengals came to an abrupt end when he realized that, due to his contract, the team had him by the hanging Chads.  Too bad he didn’t realize that before he made a complete ass out of himself.

Mark Chmura, TE, Packers:  Despite being acquitted on charges of sexual assault, Chewy’s prom-night cavorting with 17-year-old girl is beyond shameful.

Zeke Mowatt, TE, Patriots:  Sued for exposing himself and making lewd comments to a female reporter in the locker room; among the tamest of the remarks, “I’ll show you a Patriot missile.” 

Jerramy Stevens, TE, Seahawks and Buccaneers:  It’s quantity and quality for Stevens.  A variety of arrests include crashing his car into a retirement home.  He also proved to be a bad neighbor in a Seattle condo complex via the always unwelcome combination of fireworks at used condoms.

Tony Mandarich, OT, Packers:  Arguably the biggest draft bust of all time, Mandarich was selected with the No. 2 overall pick in 1989.  The next three picks?  Barry Sanders.  Derrick Thomas.  Deion Sanders.

Kenyatta Jones, OT, Patriots, Redskins:  Busted in college for “displaying a firearm” inside a night club, Jones broke from the same-old rap sheet entries by throwing boiling water on his roommate while said roommate was on the toilet.  More recently, he was busted for peeing on a dance floor at a night club.

Luis Sharpe, OT, Cardinals:  Addicted to crack while playing in the NFL.  (We were tempted to give him a pass, since playing for the Cardinals likely would drive us to find comfort via chemicals, too.)  

(NEW FOR 2008) Bryant McKinnie, OT, Vikings:  McKinnie followed up his Love Boat buffet session by whacking a bouncer over the head with a metal pole in front of a crowd of people.  Allegedly.

(NEW FOR 2008) Nick Kaczur, OT, Patriots:  Busted for having more than 200 OxyContin tablets in his possession and then finked on the guy from whom Kaczur routinely bought hundreds more of them.

Nate Newton, G, Cowboys:  Arrested for marijuana possession.  213 pounds of it.  Five weeks later, he got busted again with “only” 175 pounds.

Conrad Dobler, G, Cardinals:  “When I hit a guy, I hit him in the throat.  He doesn’t have any pads on his throat.”

Carleton Haselrig, G, Steelers, Jets:  Pro Bowler who didn’t play college football threw his career away with alcohol and drug problems.  Ultimately went to jail after pleading guilty to driving his four-wheel-drive vehicle on the grounds of a Pittsburgh seminary.

Barret Robbins, C, Raiders:  Disappeared on the eve of Super Bowl XXXVII, got into a shoot-out with Miami police two years later, was arrested on marijuana possession charges while awaiting trial.

O.J. Simpson, RB, Bills, 49ers:  Though he was acquitted of murdering his ex-wife and some dude who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, a civil jury later found that the Juice had killed them.  Many believe that his vow to find the “real” killer was a hollow gesture; we think Simpson honors his commitment every morning at the bathroom mirror.

Lawrence Phillips, RB, Rams, Dolphins, Barcelona Dragons, 49ers, Montreal Alouettes, Calgary Stampeders:  Dragged a girlfriend down a flight of steps by her hair during his days at Nebraska, yet still was the sixth overall selection in the 1996 draft.  Rams coach Dick Vermeil cut him loose a year later, sparking an odyssey through three different football leagues that ended when he was booted by the ‘Ettes and ‘Peders in the same year.

Cecil Collins, RB, Dolphins:  Showed his appreciation for coach Jimmy Johnson’s decision to give him a chance despite a troubled past by getting arrested for burglary in December of his rookie — and only — NFL season.

Bam Morris, RB, Steelers, Ravens, Bears, Chiefs:  One-time promising tailback with the Steelers who made the locals forget all about legends like Barry Foster and Tim “Joanne” Worley, Bam’s career in the ‘Burgh ended after he pleaded guilty to felony marijuana possession.  Though he was only placed on probation, he couldn’t find a way to stay on the right side of the law, eventually admitting to distributing 100 kilograms of marijuana in Kansas City. 

Najeh Davenport, RB, Packers, Steelers:  One mistake shouldn’t follow a guy for the rest of his life.  Unless it’s a really, really funny one.  Najeh snuck into a woman’s dorm room and pooped in the clothes hamper in her closet while she was sleeping.  After Davenport accepted community service in order to settle the charges, “Dookie” still maintained his innocence:  “Where’s the evidence?  Where’s the manure?“

Onterrio Smith, RB, Vikings and Winnipeg Blue Bombers:  The self-described “Steal of the Draft” in 2003 after falling to the fourth round due to a protracted love affair with that Mexican girl named Mary Jane, Smith introduced the word “Whizzinator” into the national discourse after airport security found a faux penis in his luggage.

Maurice Clarett, RB, Broncos:  Though he never played a down in the NFL, Mo-Clo did more than enough to secure his spot on the team.  Suspended for his sophomore season at Ohio State, sued the NFL to gain early entry into the league, refused a signing bonus after surprisingly being taken by the Broncos in round three of the 2005 draft, rebuffed efforts by teammates to help him learn the NFL ropes, reportedly found with alcohol in the weight room, ultimately cut, got not a single sniff by any other team before being arrested for armed robbery and thrown in jail.

Jamal Lewis, RB, Ravens and Browns:  Served time in jail for involvement in a drug deal the summer after he was drafted.

Duane Thomas, RB Cowboys:  Piss-poor attitude and drug use killed a promising career.  Thomas once said of the Super Bowl, “If it’s the ultimate [game], how come they play it every year?“

Paul Hornung, RB, Packers:  Suspended for an entire year due to gambling.

Ricky Williams, RB, Dolphins:  His so-so career was forever marred by an abrupt retirement in 2004 and a full-season suspension in 2006.  He now has a chance to redeem himself under the tutelage of the Tuna.

(NEW FOR 2008) Cedric Benson, RB, Bears:  Three years of uninspired play coupled with two alcohol related arrests in less than a month likely has brought his career to an end.

Ryan Leaf, QB, Chargers:  Need further evidence of the imperfect nature of the draft?  The Colts actually wrestled with the decision of whether to draft Leaf or Peyton Manning.

Todd Marinovich, QB, Raiders:  Groomed from birth by his father to be an NFL quarterback, Marinovich realized his old man’s dream.  And then completely pissed it away.

Art Schlichter, QB, Colts:  Chronic and compulsive gambler who was suspended for an entire season before his career flamed out. 

Michael Vick, QB, Falcons:  Vick’s dog fighting arrest and conviction in 2007 was one of the most embarrassing episodes in NFL history. 

(NEW FOR 2008) Brett Favre, QB, Packers:  Just as Favre holds every good career passing record and the one really bad one, his stardom has a dark side that has manifested itself over the past month, with one of the biggest and most unwanted distractions the NFL has ever seen.  Yes, he’s a living legend.  He’s also a pain in the butt.

Leonard Little, DE, Rams:  Killed a woman while driving drunk.

Reggie Rogers, DE, Lions:  Killed three teenagers after running a stop sign.

Mark Gastineau, DE, Jets:  One-time single-season sack king whose career was cut short by a fear of getting nailed for steroids; lost his first ten fights as a pro boxer and spent nearly a year behind bars.  Potential redeeming quality — married Brigitte Nielsen while she still remotely looked like a woman.

Dimitrius Underwood, DE, Vikings:  We don’t blame Underwood as much as we blame the Vikings for burning a first-round choice on a guy who went AWOL in the first week of his first training camp due to some serious psychological problems that surely had been manifested at some earlier point in his career.

Leon Lett, DE, Cowboys:  Suspended for a year for violation of the substance abuse policy, Lett is best known for two of the most memorable blunders in league history — a premature celebration on a fumble return for a touchdown in the Super Bowl and the dumb-assed decision to try to recover a blocked field goal on the snow-covered Texas Stadium green cement that gave the Fins another chance at the kick, sealing his team’s fate.

Jared Allen, DE, Chiefs, Vikins:  Allen is the stereotypical wild-eyed lineman who likes booze way too much.  He demanded a trade after the team refused to sign him to a long-term deal — but before he learned that he’d be suspended to start the 2007 season.

Darrell Russell, DT, Raiders, Redskins, Buccaneers:  A promising career was ruined by drug use and allegations of videotaping his friends having sex with a drugged woman.  Russell died in a car crash last year after a failed comeback attempt.

Daryl Gardener, DT, Dolphins, Redskins, Broncos:  Known for going turdish whenever he got paid big money, Gardener busted his hand in a fight outside a Denver-area IHOP after receiving a huge deal from the Broncos and never was the same again.

Alex Karras, DT, Lions:  See Paul Hornung.

Ernie Holmes, DT, Steelers, Buccaneers:  Former member of the Steel Curtain who was arrested in 1981 after repeatedly throwing to the floor a barmaid who refused his advances.  Also, once opened fire . . . on a police helicopter.

Albert Haynesworth, DT, Titans:  Haynesworth was suspended for five games in 2006 for stomping on the face of Cowboys center Andre Gurode.  Albert should be grateful that he wasn’t prosecuted for assault, or banished from the NFL for life.  (If it were up to us, both would have happened.)

Ray Lewis, LB, Ravens:  We still can’t believe no one ever went to jail for the butchering of those two people in Atlanta.  We’re not saying Ray-Ray did it, but we bet he knows who did. 

Bryan Cox, LB, Dolphins, Bears, Patriots:  Cox filed a lawsuit against the NFL, claiming that fines meted out by Gene Upshaw and Harold Henderson constituted discrimination against him based on race.  The only problem?  All three men are black.  

Lawrence Taylor, LB, Giants:  One of the best defensive players in league history, we wonder how effective he might have been if he hadn’t been so preoccupied with drugs, booze, and sex. 

Bill Romanowski, LB, 49ers, Eagles, Broncos, Raiders:  Walking pharmacy who spit in J.J. Stokes’ face, ended Marcus Williams’ career with a practice field sucker punch, and intentionally broke Dave Meggett’s finger during a pile up.  Admitted to steroid use only to sell a book about it.

Thomas “Hollywood” Henderson, LB, Cowboys, Oilers, 49ers:  The original LT, Henderson’s cocaine craze ended his career not long after it started.  In 2000, he won $28 million in the lottery.

Brian Bosworth, LB, Seahawks:  Another guy who rode colossal hype on the way to becoming a colossal bust.  Legend has it that, once he got off the juice, his body just plain fell apart.   

Richard Seigler, LB, Steelers:  It takes creativity to win this specific brand of immortality, and there’s nothing more creative than a football player whose side gig is working as a pimp.

Jack Tatum, CB, Raiders:  After paralyzing receiver Daryl Stingley with a preseason hit, Tatum wrote a book titled They Call Me Assassin.  We just called him “Ass” for short. 

Darryl Henley, CB, Rams:  Locked up until 2031 at the earliest after being convicted on drug and attempt murder charges.

Lewis Billups, CB, Bengals:  Billups allegedly drugged and raped a woman, videotaped the incident, and then threatened to send the tape to her husband if she didn’t come up with $20,000.  He pleaded no contest to criminal conspiracy and died in 1994 after losing control of his vehicle at 100 miles per hour.

Mossy Cade, CB, Packers:  Little-known defensive back who wins a spot on the list for being convicted of raping . . . his own aunt.

Pacman Jones, CB, Titans, Cowboys:  Through a string of brushes with the law and a failure to seem to understand the connection between his behavior and its consequences, Jones became the poster boy for bad behavior in the NFL. 

Eugene Robinson, S, Seahawks, Packers, Falcons, Panthers:  Robinson arguably ruined the Falcons’ chances at winning Super Bowl XXXIII after getting arrested for offering money to an undercover officer posing as a prostitute the night before. 

Gene Atkins, S, Dolphins:  Attacked reporter Jason Cole in the locker room during his career — arrested and charged with plotting to firebomb the house of a former business partner after he retired.

(NEW FOR 2008) Rodney Harrison, S, Chargers, Patriots:  Perennially regarded one of the dirtiest players in the NFL, Harrison was nailed for HGH last year and then had the audacity to claim that he wasn’t cheating by using it.  Most recently, he compared himself to Jesus and then said he wasn’t comparing himself to Jesus.

Tamarick Vanover, KR, Chiefs:  Given the name of his pro team, would the ring of car thieves with which he was associated operate a “Tomahawk Chop Shop”?

Bill Gramatica, K, Cardinals:  Tore an ACL celebrating the fact that he’d made a field goal.

Cole Ford, K, Steelers, Raiders:  Placed into a mental facility after pleading guilty to shooting a gun at a house.  Almost avoided the list because the house belonged to Siegfried and Roy.

Rafael Septien, K, Cowboys:  Pleaded guilty in 1987 to charges of indecency with a 10-year-old girl.

Todd Sauerbrun, P, Bears, Chiefs, Panthers, Broncos:  Suspended for ephedra use in 2006, suspended for roughing up a cab driver in 2008.

Joe Cullen, assistant coach:  In a one-week span prior to the 2007 season, Cullen was arrested once for driving drunk but clothed, and once for driving sober but buck naked.

Buddy Ryan, Coach:  Though we respect Ryan for cutting Cris Carter without exposing (at the time) Carter’s struggles with drugs, this guy was a train wreck as a head coach.  Too loud.  Too brash.  Too reckless.  Too impulsive.  In other words, the perfect guy to lead our All-Time collection of All-Turds to a Super Bowl.

(NEW FOR 2008) Bill Belichick, Coach:  He knew that the NFL and other teams were onto his videotaping scam, and yet he continued to do it.  His actions created a mess that overshadowed the entire 2007 season and much of the 2008 offseason.

(NEW FOR 2008) Eric Mangini, Coach:  Mangini is the ultimate hypocrite.  He worked for the Patriots for years, and had full knowledge of the videotaping scam that Bill Belichick was using.  And yet Mangini kept his mouth shut until he could parlay the team’s success into a head-coaching job of his own, and then Mangini blew the whistle.

Leonard Tose, Owner:  Gambling and booze caused him to lose the Eagles, and his fortune.  Among other things, he once sued a casino for plying him with drinks in order to get him to keep losing money.  (Ain’t that standard operating procedure at casinos?)

Red McCombs, Owner:  Nearly ran the Vikings into the ground during a seven-year run that was all about generating as much profit as possible.