As the ssssslow period on the NFL calendar continues to be filled with new twists on old stories (and, frankly, we’re not complaining), ESPN has offered up an interview of Bengals receiver Chad Johnson.

Strangely, the task of talking to Johnson went to Stephen A. Smith, who to our knowledge has had zero prior involvement in the network’s coverage of the NFL.  (Maybe one of the 583 ESPN on-air personalities paid to cover the NFL weren’t available.)

That said, Smith did a great job of getting Chad to open up.  And, in so doing, to prove that when lawyer Eric Deters said Chad has the “mental agility of a small soap dish,” the American League of Small Soap Dishes should have immediately demanded an apology.

For starters, Chad flat-out admits that he showed up for mandatory minicamp only because of the potential financial consequences of staying away.  “I’m crazy,” he said.  “I ain’t stupid.  And I looked at all the fine print of me not showing up, and they could have got me if they wanted to.”

In other words, Chad didn’t have some sort of ephiphany.  He still, in his heart, wants out.  But he realized he can’t force his way out by not showing up.

He was hardly convincing when Smith pressed him on whether he wants to be a member of the team, especially when Chad said, “I ain’t got no choice.”

Chad also suggested earlier in the discussion that the word “disgruntled” is beyond the scope of his comprehension skills, and he took exception, in rather emotional fashion, to the suggestion that he is emotional.

“I was venting, I’m not emotional,” Johnson said.  “Whoever used that dumb word ‘emotional.’  I’m not emotional.”

So kudos to Smith and to ESPN for coaxing out of Chad even further evidence that he’s disgruntled, emotional, and/or crazy.

Just don’t compare him to a small soap dish.  Because small soap dishes have feelings too.

UPDATE:  The video is available right here.