ESPN’s public relations staff has released comprehensive details regarding the multi-format Cecil B. DeMille production that will be used to cover the NFL draft later this month.

The most glaring absences from the cast of dozens?  Emmitt Smith and Tony Kornheiser.

Everyone else is involved.  Chris “What the F–k Do They Think I’m Doing?” Berman, Mel ”Mr. Irrelevant Used To Only Mean The Last Guy Picked” Kiper, Keyshawn “Am I Eligible To Be Drafted?” Johnson, Steve “I’ve Got Some New Plastic Surgery That Makes Me Look Even More Like Mr. Spock” Young, and Chris “The Texans Will Definitely Draft Reggie Bush, No Matter What Anyone Says” Mortensen will be working the grown-ups’ table. 

Mike “They Let Me Do The Masters Only Because I’m White” Tirico, Ron “Cheating In The Super Bowl Is Okay As Long As Tom Brady and Beel Beeelichick Come To The Maxwell Club Dinner” Jaworski, and Kirk “Thank God I Don’t Have To Work With Corso For A Change” Herbstreit will provide “on-site commentary,” while Suzy “Having A Baby Will Only Make Me More Annoyingly Perky” Kolber conducts those green-room “how are you feeling?” interviews with any of the schmoes who show up for the draft and do a Rodgers-Quinn free-fall.

On Day Two of the draft, Trey “Florio Can’t Think Of A Snarky Nickname For Me But He Doesn’t Want To Break The String” Wingo will be the on-air host, with Jaworski, Kiper, Mortensen, and Cris “Keyshawn Won’t Be Available Because He’ll Be Doing A Press Conference With The Team That Drafts Him” Carter joining him.

Other television talent who’ll be involved in the proceedings include (you can suggest nicknames in the comments) Mike Ditka, Merril Hoge, Tom Jackson, Todd McShay, Michael Smith, Tony Reali, Jeffri Chadiha, Charean Williams, Steve Wyche. 

At team sites will be Hank Goldberg (Dolphins), Rachel Nichols (Falcons), Sal Paolantonio (Giants), and Ed Werder (Cowboys).

Colin Cowherd and John Clayton will handle the radio stuff on Saturday, with Clayton providing ESPN Radio with on-site updates on Sunday.

ESPNEWS will have a flock of folks working the draft as well, including Jeremy Green and his chronic case of restless arm syndrome.  Likewise, ESPN.com will roll out several writers, and Scouts, Inc. will be working overtime as well.  Per the release, Len Pasquarelli is scheduled to attend the event from Radio City Music Hall, which apparently is a sign that he is close to getting back to work on a regular basis in the wake of heart surgery in early February. 

Anyway, of all the names listed covering the draft in all those different ways, Emmitt and Kornheiser are completely absent.  Though Kornheiser probably didn’t want to work the draft anyway, we can only wonder why we won’t get a chance to hear from Emmitt how someone’s draft board got debacled.

Meanwhile, NFL Network will surely cover the draft with far fewer people, but nevertheless do a far better overall job.

Sorry, but it’s true; NFLN’s coverage of the draft generally is across-the-board superior to ESPN’s.  (Feel free to debate that point in the comments section.  Or not.)

UPDATE:  It has occurred to me that I should mention that I have been on NFLN three times in the past, and would not decline an invitation to make a return appearance (unless I would have to talk to Deion Sanders).  We also had NFL Network ads on the site last year, and would not decline the opportunity to do business with them again (unless the ads would feature Deion Sanders).  In 2001, I worked for ESPN.com but left on good terms, at least from my perspective.  None of these facts has consciously influenced by assessment of NFLN’s draft coverage as superior to ESPN’s.