THE PFT 2007 ALL-TURD TEAM!

THE DEFENSE

Leonard Little, DE, Rams:  Though he hasn't killed anyone else in the past year, his DUI that resulted in the death of Susan Gutweiler is something we can't forget as quickly as the "real" media has.

Frostee Rucker, DE, Bengals:  Pleaded guilty earlier this year to charges relating to an incident with his girlfriend at USC.

Patrick Kerney, DE, Falcons:  Though Kerney faces no charges for the incident, any time a woman gets raped in a house that an NFL player lives in, that's enough to qualify for this "honor."

Jared Allen, DE, Chiefs:  Allen is the stereotypical wild-eyed lineman who likes booze way too much.  He demanded a trade after the team refused to sign him to a long-term deal -- but before he learned that he'd be suspended to start the 2007 season.

Claude Wroten, DT, Rams:  Wroten has avoided further troubles with Mary Jane, but recently got in trouble for an incident with a girl of a different name at LSU.

Albert Haynesworth, DT, Titans:  Haynesworth was suspended for five games last season for stomping on the face of Cowboys center Andre Gurode.  Albert should be grateful that he wasn't prosecuted for assault, or banished from the NFL for life.  (If it were up to us, both would have happened.)

Tank Johnson, DT, Bears (formerly):  This free-agent defensive tackle did jail time for probation violation, and proceeded to consume his weight in junk food there.  Johnson sealed his fate in Chicago by getting behind the wheel after he had been drinking. 

Jonathan Babineaux, DT, Falcons:  Babineaux faces felony charges for allegedly killing a dog.  (Maybe Arnie Becker can represent Babineaux if his girlfriend sues to force him to buy her a new dog.)

A.J. Nicholson, LB, Bengals (formerly):  Nicholson was dumped by the Bengals after getting into a domestic squabble while still on probation for a burglary thing from 2006.  His lawyer claims that other teams are interested in him.  We didn't know that San Quentin was actively recruiting. 

Odell Thurman, LB, Bengals:  Though the Bengals try to claim that he's not on the team, they still hold his rights, even after a one-year suspension capped by a DUI arrest.

Joey Porter, LB, Dolphins:  Porter and posse beat up Bengals tackle Levi Jones at the Palms casino in Vegas.  At least Levi didn't come out of it like the horse that had a close encounter with two of J. Peezy's puppies.

Richard Seigler, LB, Steelers (formerly):  If Playmakers had a story line in which one of the players was working on the side as a pimp, Paul Tagliabue's head would have exploded.

Pacman Jones, CB, Titans:  Jones has been in more trouble in two years that many of the worst NFL offenders have ever seen in a lifetime.  He faces felony charges in Georgia after allegedly biting a cop on the hand, and he faces felony charges in Las Vegas after allegedly inciting a shooting.  He is on suspension for all of 2007, and we'd be surprised if he ever suits up again.

Fred Smoot, CB, Redskins:  Smoot pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct charges for his role in the Love Boat fiasco, and recently tried to say he didn't do anything wrong.

Johnathan Joseph, CB, Bengals:  This first-year Bengal proved that he belonged on the team by getting busted for marijuana possession. 

Ricky Manning, Jr., CB, Bears:  Manning pleaded no contest to felony assault charges and then tried to claim he didn't do anything.

Ahmad Carroll, CB, Jaguars (formerly):  Carroll squandered a second chance in Jacksonville by getting busted in May on various weapons and drug charges.

Dwight Smith, S, Vikings:  His failure to get a room before opting to get it on was the beginning of the end for him in Minnesota.  (We know he's still on the team, but we think he's still in Major Dad's doghouse.)

Terrence Kiel, S, Chargers (formerly):  Kiel was busted for shipping Codeine-laced cough syrup to Houston, presumably for use as the active ingredient in the modern version of the Flaming Mo.